Hard Times

We've been absent from this blog for over 3 weeks, and I apologize. We have no intention of abandoning it. Nor of being gone for so long in the future, either.

A few things were holding me back from posting. I wanted to get the last of the thank-yous into the mail (they went out today). I wanted to have something to post about. More precisely, I wanted to have something to post about besides the news we got earlier this month, because it wasn't good news.

But here I am, and here's the news: we're not going to China.

It seems like most people I talk to experience some sort of setback shortly after getting married. I don't know if it's a coincidence, if it's a case of noticing all the blue cars on the road because you've just bought one, or if it just looms more significantly in your mind because now you're married, but whatever the reason, it seems to be a common theme. Maybe it's because as soon as something negative happens, you find yourself thinking, "I just got married, isn't everything supposed to be great for at least a little while? Honeymoon period, anyone?" Life, of course, doesn't work like that.

Shortly after we returned home, Morgan went to the head of the department and asked what was going on with the China trip. He was told that the school in China had decided they wanted to use mostly their own faculty to teach their courses and therefore, the trips were off. Oh, hey, Mr. Department Head, thanks for letting us know. It's not like we have to plan out the next year of our lives or anything.

It was a huge disappointment for both of us. It came at an extra-unfortunate time when everything should have been sunshine and roses, but more than that, it was the first disappointment we would weather as a married couple. How would we deal with it?

The answer for the first couple of days was "in our separate corners." It wasn't how I wanted to do it - isn't the proper thing to do to pull closer together, the two of you against the world? - but I just couldn't bring myself to express all the emotions around it for fear of making Morgan feel worse. Because, trust me, he already felt bad enough. I can't really speak for him, but I suspect that in the less rational corners of his psyche he was worried that I was going to be mad at him for false advertising. As if he had promised me this and then pulled the rug out, instead of having it pulled out from under both of us.

After that initial period, we were able to talk about it and share the anger, disappointment, frustration, and feelings of "now what?" (And "now what?" is a big question, but we're working out the answers.) The near future isn't going to happen where we thought it would, but that's all right. The location might be different, but the overall vision is the same: we'll be together. We'll figure it out from there.

Yay, pictures!

As Ursula mentioned, there are a few loose ends to take care of before the wedding is officially over.  Well, one big one can be crossed off that list; we have our wedding pictures!  We think he did a great job; it was tough narrowing down the 717 pictures to our 240 favorites.

As you can see, we are a very happy couple.

You can find the big gallery here.  I really can't express how happy we are with the photos; we found our photographer John Leestma through an ad on craigslist, which felt like a little bit of a gamble.  But really, everything worked out wonderfully. So check them out and let us know what you think.

On another note, today marks exactly a month from the wedding.  I still feel incredibly lucky, and I know that feeling won't be going away anytime soon.  We still have a few more things going on before Ursula considers the "wedding phase" to be over, then I suppose it's on to the "honeymoon phase"!

Loose Ends

I won't feel like the wedding phase is truly over until three things happen:

1. We get the professional photos (by the end of the week, I hear),
2. We get our thank you notes out (working on it), and
3. All my name-changing stuff is done (working on that, too).

This photo doesn't have anything to do with anything,
but I like entries to have photos, and this is pretty.

I applied for my new Social Security card last week on Monday, and it arrived in Saturday's mail. I thought that was pretty amazing. As Morgan mentioned in his post, we went to the DMV and that's in process. I may have to wait on that to get the bank straightened out, but I still need to look into what documentation they actually require. In the meantime, I'll be applying for a passport - the first one in my life.

I can't believe I'm finally going to get a passport and actually get out of the United States. I have technically left the country before, but I only went to Vancouver and Victoria, British Columbia. It was years and years ago, before you needed anything other than a driver's license to enter and leave Canada, and it was pretty much the US except cleaner and with "eh" on the end of sentences.

Living the Life

So we've been married a little over two weeks - and have been home in Denver for about two weeks - and I have to say, life has been very good.  It is sort of funny in a way; we have been living together for more than two years, so essentially not a lot has changed.  But it feels different, looking ahead to our future as a married couple.  There is so much to look forward to!

Yesterday we went to the Social Security office to get Ursula a new card with her new name, and it was hard not to be excited.  I know it is mostly symbolic, but I still thought it was cool.  Thinking ahead to our travels is a big part of it as well.  I mean, there is a lot more for her to do: driver's license, passport, etc. (guys have it easy with the lack of a name change), but just knowing that we are on track to go on some amazing adventures together is an incredible feeling.

I seriously can't wait to go to Beijing.

I think the Beijing trip is going to be unreal.  I can't even imagine what it will be like there; that is a place with some serious history.  There will definitely be some culture shock to deal with, but  it should also be a lot of fun.  That should be about a nine month trip, starting in September.

Keep checking the blog; we should be hearing from our photographer soon, so there will be some professional pictures coming.

Things I learned at my wedding

Before I get to the inspiration for the title, I should let you know that I still don't have any great pictures to share, for which I apologize. But I'll share a few that you've already seen if you're friends with me on Facebook.

The night before - almost set up.

I wish I had a "before" picture of what that almond huller shed looked like when we first started talking about using it for the reception. It is absolutely unreal what that transformation entailed.

Happy hour!

The pre-ceremony happy hour was a great idea, if I do say so myself. It was great to have the opportunity to meet and talk to people before the actual main event. It helped alleviate some nerves. Kind of. Just to be clear - I wasn't nervous about the getting married so much as the doing it in front of everyone. 

Morgan, the kids and I all walked out to the ceremony together

But then it was time to disappear and get ready for the main event. And this is where I get to the "things I learned."

• If you are someone (like me) who didn't dream about your wedding day from the time you were a child, rehearsing it all in your head, you will not know what the heck you're supposed to be doing half the time. It would be fortuitous if you realized this before the actual day, so that you could prepare by having someone there who will remind you of things you are forgetting. Like your bouquet.
• Yes, if you look at that last photo, you will not see a bouquet. Nor will you see a boutonniere for Morgan. We had them; oh yes, we had them. In fact, at the exact moment that photo was taken, the bouquet and boutonniere were sitting upstairs in the house. Until I get the pro photos back, take my word for it: they were beautiful. (Yes, the photographer got pictures of the bouquet on a table or something, and I could blame him for throwing me off, but I sincerely doubt that had much to do with it.)
• There will be a moment in the ceremony when something goes wrong. Our officiant told us this when we first talked to him, and I only half-believed him, but he was right. It's unavoidable, and arguably not something you even want to avoid. There is a moment when someone will misspeak, everyone will laugh, and it will break the tension.
• Unless you have superhuman endurance, you will at some point be hugged- and smiled-out. Take a minute, back away from everything and everyone, and breathe deeply. It'll help.
• You should eat right before anyone arrives. You might think you'll be able to eat some of the food everyone else will be eating, but this is simply not true. You can't talk and eat at the same time. You also can't run to a mirror every time you've eaten something to check for spinach in your teeth. And finally, don't underestimate the power of adrenaline to suppress your appetite. By the time you can eat relatively worry-free, you won't be hungry.

The biggest thing I learned, though, was that none of that stuff really matters. At the end of it, you'll be a little sad that your awesome bouquet won't be in any of the pictures, that the ceremony wasn't "perfect," and that you couldn't be a smiling, hugging machine. But hours later, you'll be sitting in a hamburger joint devouring food like a ravenous wolverine with the man who is now your husband, and you won't be able to wipe the smile off your face.

Settling In

It has only been a week so far, but I have to say, the married life has been pretty great so far.  We are getting back into the routine around our apartment in Denver, back to school, back to real life.  Some of your photos from the wedding have been coming in, and we should have the professional ones soon, but we want more! Get us your pictures! You should start to see us post the ones we have online soon, and there are already a few from our honeymoon in Mendocino.

Seriously, this was the view from our room in Mendocino.

We thought the wedding was amazing, the ranch was a perfect setting and we were really glad the weather held out for us.  I got to see a lot of you who I hadn't seen in years, and it meant a lot to celebrate with all of you.  The bar setup looked really cool, and our awesome bartenders were making some of the best (and strongest) drinks I've been served in Brentwood.  The almond huller shed had been completely transformed into an actual hangout spot, which was incredible.  And the dinner was absolutely perfect.  I want to extend a big thanks to everyone who helped make it happen, and who made it out; it was a good time for us, and I hope it was for all of you as well.

Important Stuff from the Other Side

Now that Morgan and I are back home and have the time and space to really breathe and think about the wedding, I have a couple of things I want to say right away.

First of all: thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who attended. From our point of view, it was an incredibly fun time that was made that way in large part by having all of you there.

Shiny.

Next: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone who helped make this all happen. There were so many people who did so many things - from picking up things we needed on their way to the wedding to helping us get deals on various expenses to making and arranging decorations to cleaning, bartending, planning menus, cooking, serving food and drinks .... We were and are truly overwhelmed with the amount of love and generosity that was shown to us through all of your efforts.

Finally: We want your pictures! We are confident our photographer got a lot of great photos, but it will be weeks before we see those, and how on earth are we supposed to wait without all of your photos to hold us over?! Besides, we want to see what you took pictures of and what your experience of the wedding was. We could only see so much of it ourselves, you know! So email us, friend us on Facebook if you haven't already (here's me and here's Morgan), tag us in the pictures (unless they're truly awful), send them to us by snail mail, whatever you'd like to do. Just get them to us! Please.