Things You Won't See at Our Wedding

Not that there's anything wrong with these things ....

• A flowing white dress
• Tuxedos (unless you're planning to wear one)
• A line of bridesmaids (or groomsmen)
• A groom's cake (I didn't even know these existed until about a month ago - I still don't really get the point)
• Flower petals scattered on the aisle
• An aisle
• A priest/pastor/other religious figure (unless Jesus, Allah or Buddha shows up (they'd be crashing the party though; none of them are on the guest list))
• Throwing bouquets or accessories into a crowd

You will especially not see a white, flowing Hello Kitty dress.
(source: Hello Kitty Hell)

Uh, yeah. A picture is worth a thousand words to describe
why this is not going to happen at our wedding. (And this,
believe it or not, was from a photography site describing
how to get "sensational bouquet and garter toss photos.")

What will you see? Two people who are thrilled to be getting married to each other.

What was that - you want more specifics? Oh, I think we're going to save that for a little later!

What is a wedding, really?

I think planning a wedding is an interesting challenge to me, because every time I have gone to a wedding I have been bored to tears. For the two of us, the question really becomes "what does a wedding mean to us?"

I think that, from seeing weddings on tv and in movies, the overwhelming perception is that a wedding is supposed to be this huge monumental event. A white, $3000 wedding dress with a huge train, in some cathedral with 200 guests, a whole lineup of bridesmaids and groomsmen, a honeymoon in Tahiti. We can't afford that, for one, but I really don't think that would be what either of us would want.

Okay, maybe a honeymoon in Tahiti would be nice. (source)

The big thing is that neither of us is religious. We don't need to be in a church, married by a priest. In fact, we would be happiest if there were no mention of God in our ceremony. And, speaking of the ceremony, let's keep it short. Let's keep the vibe of the wedding like a party, and not invite anyone we wouldn't want to party with. And we really don't need to spend a lot of money on clothes we are never going to wear again.

I mean, a wedding costs money, that's unavoidable. But we can make sure that money goes towards making it fun and personal. I just want it to be a wedding I want to be at, and I hope our guests feel the same.

I promise never to complain about your dirty socks on the floor

Wedding vows are something I've not ever thought about, really. The actual ceremony part of the wedding has always just seemed a little like "have and hold, sickness and health, blah blah, I do" to me. But Morgan and I have talked about how to shoehorn some of ourselves into it all somehow. And this is when I realized that I have a problem with writing our own vows.

Disclaimer: This is all just true for me, and I realize that other people have their own ideas of what works for them, and they should absolutely do whatever feels right to them on their own wedding days.

Often when people write their own, they include in-jokes (or just regular jokes). But to me, the idea of writing vows with humor and lightheartedness injected feels like trivializing what is really a momentous occasion. I can't see myself vowing to stop telling him he folds towels the wrong way, or having him vow that he'll always take out the trash. I mean, really? Is that vow-worthy?

So all right, humor and lightheartedness is out (I bet you're shocked). But what about expressing more heartfelt sentiments?  There must be a lot of meaningful things we could say to each other, right? Right. And I can't imagine either of us saying them in front of a crowd.  We're not really a bare-our-souls-to-the-world sort of couple.

Where does that leave us? Good question. We're planning to look at a lot of different ceremonies. Hopefully we'll be able to pick and choose, add and subtract things that will make the vows seem like they're ours and say what we want to say without veering off into either trivia or maudlin sentimentality.